022908
okay... what the fuck just happened?!

022808

god, give me courage...

022708
so, the new york philharmonic performed a concert in north korea, and eric clapton will be heading down to the communist state socialist nation to perform, also.

maybe they should send shinhwa next.

oh, wait, they already did:


022608

"old don antonio used to tell us that from black came light, and from there came the stars that light up the sky around the world. he recounted a story of a long time ago, when the first gods were entrusted to give birth to the world. in one of their gatherings, they understood that the world needed to have life and movement, but in order to have life and movement, light was necessary. then they thought of making the sun so that the days would move, making day and night, and time for struggling, and time for making love, and the world would go walking with the days and nights. the gods had their gathering and came to this agreement in front of a large fire, and they knew it was necessary that one of them be sacrificed by throwing himself into the fire, and himself become fire and fly into the sky. the gods thought that the sun's work was the most important, so they chose the most beautiful god to step into the fire and become the sun. but he was afraid. the smallest god, the one who was black, said he was not afraid, and he threw himself into the fire and became the sun. then the world had light and movement, and there was time for struggle and time for love, and while it was day the bodies worked to make the world, and while it was night the bodies made love and sparkles filled the darkness."

- subcomandante marcos

022608

"i must admit, i don't go in the pit like i used to anymore. stealing the band's beer, to share out on the floor. i try to hangout, but i tire faster now."

- youth brigade

i was talking to one of the new guys, glenn, after work today, and i was surprised to find that his taste in music orientated towards the rock genre, which is a rarity on this side of the island (or perhaps hawaii in general).

when i mentioned a few bands, he actually knew whom i was talking about. it was a nice change from the confused looks i usually get from people.

when he told me that he's lived in the bay area for fifteen years, i asked him if he ever got a chance to see dead kennedys or jawbreaker.

he told me that he's seen dead kennedys play a few times.

i was so impressed, that i forgot to ask if it was the jello biafra version, or one of the later incarnations.

022508
everything's alright now. :)

so i'll just shut my fucking whining.

022308

022308

"why is it girls always look at their most beautiful, most desirable, just as they're telling you to fuck off?"

- irvine welsh

i've been talking to several people about my situation with noreen—keeping silent by myself was really eating me up inside and i just needed someone to listen.

jonathan in particular gave me a great deal of clarity in his bluntness and brutal honesty—the truths that i've tried to either hide, deny, or ignore. how can i be honest with noreen when i'm not even honest with myself?

i've also talked about noreen with my co-worker, kyle. it was a lot more therapeutic to talk to him, since it was about someone whom we mutually know. i got an e-mail from him, a few minutes ago:

...i had a feeling it was you because of several hints i've observed/seen between u two, like her saying hi a lot with smiles and just the way she looked at you, and how she seemed 'playful' around you...


that just served to remind me of how much i miss her smile, her gaze...

i also want to talk to marie about this, because i think that i could really use a female perspective on all this, and she is my closest female friend, but she's oblivious to what's going on. either that, or she refuses to acknowledge it. which is understandable, considering...

it seems like i've talked about noreen to everyone, except the one who really matters... noreen herself.

i fucked up. i need to fix this. i refuse to lose her.

022108
okay, things between me and noreen aren't going very well. :( :( :(

and this is the part where i pretend that i don't care.

022008
screeching weasel - acknowledge

i am alive
i am here
i am now
i acknowledge the fact of my life

i am alive
breathing, walking
and smiling
acknowledge the fact of my life

there's a world
there's a world
there's a big, big world out there

time that i stepped in
because i'm getting tired of pretending
that i don't really give a shit

there was guilt and shame
there was fear and hate
but now it's finally time

to appreciate the perfection of all life

i am alive
i am here
i am now
i acknowledge the fact of my life

i am alive
breathing, walking
and smiling
acknowledge the fact of my life

all the times and places
and time i'd waste
i learned the hard way and ever since

when i look forward or back
i just got to laugh
because it hit like a ton of bricks

i laid down on the ground
and i looked around
and i saw a miracle

i appreciate the simple beauty of the world

i am alive
i am here
i am now
i acknowledge the fact of my life

i am alive
breathing, walking
and smiling
acknowledge the fact of my lifeit came to me like a bullet to the heart
but it was there in front of me all along

so obvious

the only meaning of life is life itself
i'm not controlled by anybody else

i must

get out of my way
get out of my own way

because

i am alive
i am here
i am now
i acknowledge the fact of my life

i am alive
breathing, walking
and smiling
acknowledge the fact of my life

i am alive

i am alive

i am alive

i am alive

i am alive

i am alive

021908
local psychobilly/rockabilly band, the hell caminos, on night time with andy bumatai:


021708
been rereading some of my past entries. i'm glad i've decided to keep my entries all these years—it's really nice to be able to go back to them. (although, i've kept an online journal as early as 1999, but a lot of my older entries were deleted by accident, and i was unable to recover them.)

reading back on those old entries from six, seven years ago, i couldn't help but notice what an angry youth i used to be.

um, i guess i haven't changed much since. well, except for the "youth" part.

021708


021508
i'm so fucking happy right now, i feel like my heart's going to burst.

if i lose her, i don't think i could ever forgive myself.

021408


happy valentine's, noreen!

021208


north korean demands leave football match in limbo:

it has become uncertain if south and north korea will face off in a soccer match in pyongyang as planned. the north korean capital is scheduled to host on march 26 a third regional preliminary between the two koreas for the 2010 football world cup in south africa.

but the north says it will not allow the visit of a south korean cheerleader team, the public display of south korea's national flag and the playing of the south korean national anthem. the north claims the south korean national flag has never been flown in its skies and the south korean national anthem has never been heard.

north korean delegates repeated the demand that the south replace its national anthem and flag with the traditional folk song "arirang" and a flag representing the korean peninsula "for the sake of unity and harmony." the north even insisted south korean players wear uniforms embroidered with the korean peninsula flag instead of the south korean flag. north korea said the use of the south korean anthem and flag would "promote inter-Korean conflict."

it also rejected south korea's request to bring a 1,000-strong cheerleader team, saying that a south korean squad would not be necessary since north koreans already warmly welcome and passionately root for south korean players. the south planned to bring 50-85 reporters to cover the match, but the north wanted the number cut to single digits. the korea football association says it will not accept the demand on the anthem and flag.


021108


021108


from the chosun ilbo:

in the course of a single night and in the middle of downtown seoul, korea's no. 1 national treasure, the sungnyemun, more commonly known as namdaemun or south gate, turned to ashes. the public watched helplessly as seoul's main gate, which survived 600 years through the shock of wars—including the japanese invasion, the manchurian invasion and the korean war—collapsed into a pile of charred wood. as it burned down over the course of five hours despite efforts by 330 firefighters and 95 fire engines to put out the flames, a symbol of the nation and the spirit of the korean people was stripped bare, showing the world a side of korea that was markedly different than its gleaming status of one of the world's 10 largest economies. the wooden board bearing the name sungnyemun in beautiful calligraphy said to have been written by king sejong's brother, fell off the structure and lay on the cold, hard ground. watching this made all koreans feel as if a part of themselves had fallen down as well.


021008

"it is heartbreaking. it remained okay even during the korean war. our pride has fallen down."

- kim duk-il

what a terrible tragedy. the six-century-old namdamun—which is designated as "national treasure number one" in the republic of korea—was set on fire by an arsonist.







020808
according to unclemurdles' latest blog entry, taeko carroll of the fysh n chick crew on the show, america's best dance crew, is a "heatery."

apparently, these guys haven't seen yuri tag of the kaba modern crew:



eepunee!

020808
ernesto: hey, how do you say "hi" in korean?

me: ahn-young.

ernesto: how do you say "beautiful" or "pretty," like, when you're saying it to chicks?

me: ee-pun-ee.

ernesto: ahnyoung, eepunee?

me: yeah.

ernesto: how do you say that in a mack daddy way?

me: "in a mack daddy way"? ummm... say "ahnyoung, eepunee," then circle your tongue around your lips.

hienz: oh, like ll cool j.

me: exactly. like ll cool j.

020808

"if you love something set it free... but don't be surprised when it comes back with herpes."

- chuck palahniuk

i don't know what i said or did (or maybe what i didn't say or do) in the last twenty-four hours, but i've been getting weird vibes from noreen today like she's pissed at me or something. she wouldn't talk to me, make any eye contact, or even seem to acknowledge my presence. everyone has bad days, yes, but this animosity was clearly directed at me, and me alone. needless to say, i was feeling that unique feeling you can only get when a girl you like, and whom you thought likes you back, treats you like you don't exist all of a sudden for no apparent reason.

the last fifteen minutes before work ended, she came over to my desk, playfully knocked on the top of my desk and gave me a smile as she walked by, like the last seven hours and forty-five minutes never happened. confused, and the office being uncharacteristically quiet today and not wanting the entire office to hear whatever i had to say, i said nothing, but merely half-forced myself to smile back at her. the other half of me just couldn't resist warming up to that cute smile of her's.

i don't understand women.

020708


새해 복 많이 받으세요! 행복한 4341년를 보내시기를 바랍니다!

020608
manuel's managing to sit up without falling over now. soon he'll be crawling, standing, walking... i can't believe how fast he is growing up.

i extended my arms to him and called out his name just to see what he'd do. he looked up at me and extended his arms out to me, wanting me to carry him up—it was so adorable.

i love that kid so much.

020508
it is in my opinion that crunk music is the lowest form of hip hop unfortunate enough to ever manifest itself. its lyrics are devoid of any real substance, they provide no intellectual elevation, and they often objectify women. it glorifies unchecked wealth, consumerism and commodity fetishism, liberal consumption of alcoholic beverages, and sexual promiscuity. to put it simply, it is a complete bastardization of the original, socially-conscious, politically-driven hip hop.

still, i can't stop blasting flo rida's "low" while driving in my car (and making myself look like a complete poser in the process).

020508
my godson dropped by the office today!

immauel with his godmother, susan:



020408


020308










020108

"she asked me if i had a name. i told her i was glued-up on some chick."

- jawbreaker

i'm in the mood for some jawbreaker right now:


"indictment"


"want"


"chesterfield king"


"kiss the bottle"


"jinx removing"


"the boat dreams from the hill"


"do you still hate me?"

020108

"do one thing every day that scares you."

- mary schmich

with february here and valentine's day coming up, i've been debating with myself these past few days on whether or not i should have roses sent to noreen to our office. i've been going back and forth on what to do. today, with the day drawing alarmingly near and, also, before i change my fucking mind again, i placed an order for a dozen pink roses to be sent.

maybe she'll let me take her out to dinner that day. or at the very least, i want her to know that there is someone out there who thinks that she's pretty special.